Today in the Life of Josh

• Awake a bit after noon, shocked to have slept so late. (Gotta set an alarm!)
• Standard prepare-for-the-day stuff. (Pray, shower, read scriptures, eat breakfast (super late breakfast))
• Walk to campus and give Nathaniel the tie that the Sister Sessions bought for us for Britten's wedding
• Work in the lab -- debugging the regressions in the Language-ID system so I'm ready for my presentation on Thursday.
• Walk home a bit after 7. Run in to Mary and chat with her on the way.
• Eat a dinner of rice and veggies graciously provided by Mary, then go to Family Home Evening across the street at the intramural field.
• Listen to Gabe's lesson on dealing with doubts (using Nickel Creek's "Doubting Thomas" song, which I liked)
• Walk/run/sneak across town to Kiwanis park as we played "Fugitive". (When I played that at home in high school we called it Mission Impossible.) On the way I ran into two friends from my last ward. Chatting with them resulted in my capture at the hands of Barney and his evil accomplices, but catching up with friends is more important!
• Come home and write this post

"Quoth the Raven"; Or, On the Demise of Schmoopsy-poo

Well, I got back to Provo last night and one of the first things I did was run like a frightened child to the ever-loving side of my dear Jenny, or Schmoopsy-poo as I like to call her when my heart is most profusely gushing forth its unending affections towards her.

We had been divided by hundreds -- nay! thousands -- of miles, and the tendrils of enduring obsession binding our hearts together were stretched to the breaking point. And so it was no surprise that when we got together last night it seemed that the petals of our fiery flower of love had wilted like a corsage in a microwave. I mean, all she could do was talk about Neal Diamond. And I, for my part, just kept on raving about the ridiculousness of Notting Hill. The very air was poisoned against us and the love that once was, but is now condemned to be no more than a tormenting memory of mushy pet names and awkward photo shoots! So -- with mutual admiration, but unable to overcome the widening gulf rending our relationship in two -- we called it off.

Alas and wo unto us for that past promise of eternal ping-pong matches which now is not! Alas that Jenny-sweets no longer shall gaze into my eyes like a mosquito drawn towards a bug zapper! Alas that my keyboard now is short-circuited by my free-flowing tears!

And so I ask myself if ever the blissful days of yore shall return; if ever I shall dare to leap joyously with heals a-clicking over an oily puddle of rainwater; or if I will once more in this life chuckle at the wit of graffiti on an underpass wall. And then into my dimming mind echo the words I know so well: for thus quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!" And so, dear Jenny, farewell!

A Friend's Poem

After about 5 years of separation from most of my earthly belongings, I finally went with my dad to his storage unit to pick up all of the old junk that I left behind when I went back to college after my mission. Well, it's really cool to go through this stuff after so much time has elapsed. I just looked in the writing anthology that my 7th grade language arts class produced, and decided this poem by my good friend Ben Wilson deserved to be transcribed:

Water Cycle
In the days of rain
the earth is dark
And skies are gray with sorrow,
but on the eve when
the sun breaks through
rejoice is on the morrow.

In the days of sun
the Earth is green
but soon becomes in vain,
For when plants go parched
and start to die
you wish for days of rain
--Ben Wilson

You know, it's not Nobel Prize material. But it's good, especially for a 7th-grader. Nice job, 7th Grade Ben!

Oh, Senators, Again!

Related to my public outrage against the farm bill, the Swine Line lets us know what's been cooking on Capitol Hill as far as fiscal (ir)responsibility. Even the reform committees are adrift in bacon grease leaking out of those pork barrels!

The Epic of Zagmurf

I went to Cheney to visit Susanna yesterday, and had a great time. After going out to lunch, she, Ben, and I all sat around watching me play World of Warcraft. I love games like that -- which is why I forbid myself from regularly playing them, because I can't seem to play in moderation. But, this just once wouldn't hurt, right? ;-)

Anyway, I created a character -- a night elf hunter, as a matter of fact. He was an mighty man, whose name, in the annals, was said to be Zagmurf. Yea, and in the first year of his hunting Zagmurf did slay many beasts of the forest: nasty spider things, and boars, and a rabbit. And Zagmurf waxed strong in the ways of questing, and he did level up.

But lo, Zagmurf's bow-hunting skills were wonderful great, even to exceed all in the realm of Shadowglen. Yea, he slew the beasts from afar, and their poison spraying upon him was like the soothing fall of rain on his skin. And in the second year of his hunting, Zagmurf did gain the Stalk Beasts skill, and received many a ruined pelt as his prize. Nevertheless, Zagmurf was a friend unto the beasts, slaying only that which was meet. And he was beloved of the woodland creatures.

Yet in the third year of his hunting, Zagmurf was afflicted with an strange ailment, and did linger on the threshold of death, even until the forest animals did howl and cry at the sickening of so mighty a man. And in the fourth year, Zagmurf gave up the ghost, and returned to crumble unto dust upon the earth. And in that very hour, a boar did break forth into song, singing:

"The mighty hunter, Zagmurf, is dead!
whose marvelous skill was exceeded only by his care.
May his bowstring spring ever-tight!
May his knife-blade glint ever-bright!
Though his body rot in the grave's earthy bed,
In our mem'ry he'll always be fair!"

And when the boar had sung his verse memorial, he was seen to shed a tear. Then stood forth a deer to speak honorful words over the corse of Zagmurf, saying:

"Behold, all ye who loved Zagmurf! and hark, though your fathers were slain by his bow! Here lieth a man in the glory of death. Yet better it were" -- and he paused, and with his mouth layed a wreath of ivy upon Zagmurf's cold brow -- "to remember the glory of life which he showed us."

And he kissed the man's face, though its aspect was funereal-somber. The deer then righted himself, and continued:

"Indeed, mayhap his love -- which was great -- shall be magnified in death, unto the gain of the living. Yea, haply his power -- which was fearsome -- shall not weaken with his flesh but shall invigorate us to yet nobler deeds of valor. And haply his heart -- which was great -- at his passing beat not its last beat, but its first unto our lasting welfare.

"So all hail Zagmurf! and all praise! For he was, verily, an mighty man!"

Thus fell Zagmurf, the mighty hunter, whose ways were the ways of the just. And he quested no more in the land of Shadowglen.

Pay-As-You-Drive?

There is a proposal for Pay-As-You-Drive car insurance. Your insurance rate is per-mile, not per-6-month-term. This would decrease insurance rates of those who drive little (like yours truly) but raise them for those who drive long distances. It would of course motivate decreased driving, which is a good thing from the point of view of emissions, congestion, road maintenance, vehicle maintenance, etc. I support the idea, since it seems to cause more of the cost of an activity (driving) to be borne by those participating in the activity (drivers).

However, part of the rationale used in the proposal is rests on the assumption that people who drive more get into more accidents. This deserves consideration. Stated flatly like that I have no doubt it is true: the more you drive, the more exposure to the risk of driving you undergo, thus more accidents for longer drives. However, it's also possible/likely that people who drive a lot are, by virtue of larger experience, better drivers than those who drive very little. Additionally, people who drive the longest distances tend to do so on cross-country highways, not in cities. The risks of highway driving are different from stop-and-go city traffic.

So, while long drivers are likely responsible for more total accidents than short drivers, their rate of accidents per mile may be less. I suppose that this could be taken into account by insurance companies by charging a higher rate for the first 5 or 10 thousand miles driven, then gradually decreasing the per-mile rate up to a certain point thereafter.

Oh, Senators!

"Senate" is a from Latin word basically meaning "old folks". You'd think with all of their combined years and experience they'd have learned something about discipline. Nope. Not a bit. Here's the lineup for that offense to intelligence, that fiscal outrage, the shameful farm bill. Go ahead, be ashamed of your duly elected representatives:

YEAs ---77
Akaka (D-HI) Alexander (R-TN) Allard (R-CO) Barrasso (R-WY) Baucus (D-MT) Bayh (D-IN) Bingaman (D-NM) Bond (R-MO) Boxer (D-CA) Brown (D-OH) Brownback (R-KS) Bunning (R-KY) Burr (R-NC) Cantwell (D-WA) Cardin (D-MD) Carper (D-DE) Casey (D-PA) Chambliss (R-GA) Cochran (R-MS) Coleman (R-MN) Conrad (D-ND) Corker (R-TN) Cornyn (R-TX) Craig (R-ID) Crapo (R-ID) Dodd (D-CT)	Dole (R-NC) Dorgan (D-ND) Durbin (D-IL) Enzi (R-WY) Feingold (D-WI) Feinstein (D-CA) Graham (R-SC) Grassley (R-IA) Harkin (D-IA) Hutchison (R-TX) Inhofe (R-OK) Inouye (D-HI) Isakson (R-GA) Johnson (D-SD) Kerry (D-MA) Klobuchar (D-MN) Kohl (D-WI) Landrieu (D-LA) Lautenberg (D-NJ) Leahy (D-VT) Levin (D-MI) Lieberman (ID-CT) Lincoln (D-AR) Martinez (R-FL) McCaskill (D-MO) McConnell (R-KY)	Menendez (D-NJ) Mikulski (D-MD) Murray (D-WA) Nelson (D-FL) Nelson (D-NE) Pryor (D-AR) Reid (D-NV) Roberts (R-KS) Rockefeller (D-WV) Salazar (D-CO) Sanders (I-VT) Schumer (D-NY) Sessions (R-AL) Shelby (R-AL) Smith (R-OR) Snowe (R-ME) Specter (R-PA) Stabenow (D-MI) Stevens (R-AK) Tester (D-MT) Thune (R-SD) Vitter (R-LA) Warner (R-VA) Wicker (R-MS) Wyden (D-OR)

NAYs ---15
Bennett (R-UT) Coburn (R-OK) Collins (R-ME) DeMint (R-SC) Domenici (R-NM)	Ensign (R-NV) Hagel (R-NE) Hatch (R-UT) Kyl (R-AZ) Lugar (R-IN)	Murkowski (R-AK) Reed (D-RI) Sununu (R-NH) Voinovich (R-OH) Whitehouse (D-RI)

Not Voting - 8
Biden (D-DE) Byrd (D-WV) Clinton (D-NY)	Gregg (R-NH) Kennedy (D-MA) McCain (R-AZ)	Obama (D-IL) Webb (D-VA)

No presidential candidate bothered to vote; all senators from my home state of Washington took the road more-traveled and voted Yea. It's called a farm bill for a good reason: it's 100% pork. This is why nobody can convince third-world nations to trade with us (or with Europe, for that matter) -- our farming is so heavily subsidized that they simply can't compete, and everybody is so entangled with the farm lobby that they can't imagine slashing that flood of money wasted making sure sugar farmers have big houses.

I don't know how I can convey my feelings aside from a bolded, italicized capitalized, huge version of the word DISGUSTING. This is the vomit of government. Please, at least have the courtesy to gag.

Mid-trip Report

So I was just reading through my quasi-roommate Gabe Proulx's blog and I realized that I felt like blogging myself. I've been sitting here all night sort of bored yet engaged in writing a mysterious new piece of software which shall be known to you only as "Siegfried", but code-slavery just wasn't doing it. I've been inspired to make the shift back into the realm of natural languages.

I've been in Washington for a while. You know, that's where I grew up. I'm back in my sweet, sweet homeland of southeastern Washington State, and I find myself still in love with the place and its people.

The Trip
A week after arriving in Washington, I went with my sister and her family to California, which was really cool. I hadn't been to Disneyland since I was something like 8 years old, so going back was a significant return to childhood for me. I really liked it, and, as I have told a few people, I think that visits there early in my life are part of why I never cared much for any other amusement park I've been to: Disneyland is an amusement park the way an amusement park should be: It's clean. There are lots of drinking fountains. Smoking is minimal. Once you're in, you can go on any ride (no tickets required). They don't care if you take pictures of the photo previews they show at the end of a ride. The atmosphere is happy! Every ride is detailed and exciting, and seems like an attempt to let you experience something incredible that you have little chance of experiencing in real life, like space flight, or a pirate raid, or an Indiana Jones-style escape from a runaway boulder.

On the way home we drove through Northern California's redwoods, which were magnificent. We stopped on a beach and just walked around for a while. The ocean is freaky and mysterious, but I also find it soothing to simply be there and hear the waves and smell the clean air.

Confronting Fear
While we were at California Adventure I surprised myself by confronting my fears of heights (Soarin' Over California), upside-down rollercoasters (California Screamin'), and plummeting to likely death (Tower of Terror). For me this was a really big deal. I have always been such a scaredy-cat! No, seriously, a real wimp! Well, big, grown-up boy that I am, I was actually able to go on all of these rides that made me so nervous beforehand. It was like slaying an until-then undefeatable giant.

Maybe it's because I've seen and experienced some very scary things that I didn't know how to deal with, but I've noticed that my fears are always way out of proportion to actuality. My fears about the rides at California Adventure were that way -- none of them was even half as frightening an experience as I expected. It was also like that when I ended my over-long hiatus from meaningful dating early this year. Paralysis because I feared devastating heartbreak had to give way to actually trying and to actually caring in order for me to progress, but I was terrified! The seeming caprice of prior failures, the painful losses of invested emotion. It took some counsel from compassionate friends to help me to make the leap of faith. And it worked out. It wasn't so bad. It was a good experience.

Shrapnel Removal
Maybe more terrifying still was confronting one of my past interests in order to find out why exactly she had chosen not to pursue things. I didn't realize just how hard the ambiguity was for me until a friend discussed a similar situation. I then realized that that would continue gnawing at me until I had the guts to ask her why, to cut through the generalities which were meant to protect me but which were really like a piece of shrapnel festering under the scar-marked surface. It's a hard thing to walk up to somebody and demand that they perform an invasive shrapnel removal operation. But that's what I had to do.

When she acquiesced, it set me free somehow. It was wonderful! She gave me her real reasons for calling a halt to the relationship, and they conformed exactly to my earlier suspicions. It wasn't the knowledge of the reasons that made a difference, really. It was getting her to deal straight with me. It was having enough respect for myself to ask for an explanation. To stop telling myself to just ignore that dull, occasionally stabbing, pain underneath the old wound, but to let myself get that hunk of rusted old metal removed.

"You're Stronger Than You Think You Are"
An interesting observation resulting from staying at my sister's house: I think I actually could do the parenting thing. I know I've still only had to deal with a small portion of my niece's and my nephews' craziness, and yet I feel confident that, especially with some of the skills I've begun to learn while here, I could do it. That's a pretty encouraging thought!

A good friend of mine told me several times, "You're stronger than you think you are, Josh," and I think I've actually started to believe it. To believe that perhaps the long-raging fires of adversity have wrought something more than just pain within me. What if they really have tempered me, made me stronger?

The Other Trip
We're also mid-way through the year (or very nearly). I've really been blessed this year. All of these blessings -- including those resulting from this trip home -- I attribute to God's great kindness in my life.

Well, my eyes are drooping downward in sleep. Thanks for reading, and good night!
- Josh