Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Endorsement You've All Been Waiting For!

Endorsements, endorsements, endorsements! Everybody's getting into the endorsement business these days: Romney just endorsed McCain[1], Oprah's all for Obama[2], Bill Clinton endorsed Hillary Clinton[3], and my sources tell me even Oscar the Grouch is on the verge of endorsing somebody![4]

So what the heck, why not jump into the fray and endorse somebody myself? I've got all the right qualifications of former enemy-ship, pop culture cred, has-been status, and dumpster dwelling. So, who's it gonna be? Huh? Huh?

Well, just read the press release:

THE INTERNET. Feb. 12, 2008. After much speculation about which candidate would receive his support, irrelevant blogging personality and unemployed college graduate Josh Hansen unveiled his endorsement for President of the United States in 2008.

"After much deliberation and several late-night pizza runs, I am granting my weighty endorsement to Senator Barack Obama of Illinois," he announced at the press conference to a few cheers and scattered applause. "In addition to his undisputed status as the feel-good candidate, the senator shares many of my specific policy objectives, which I will now outline to you."

Hansen -- a well-known opponent of free markets, free trade, and prosperity -- cited Obama's love of factory jobs[5][Q1], profligate spending habits[6], and paternalistic policies[Q2][Q3] as factors. "The rise of high tech and the decline of unskilled labor, the abundance of educational opportunities for all citizens, and the unprecedented economic expansion that Americans have suffered in the last twenty years are unacceptable, and 'we, the people' have had enough," Mr. Hansen cried to an audience of reporters, politicos, and muppets. "They've shut our factories down, and who for, what for? For Google, that's who. For cheaper manufactured goods, that's what."

He elaborated his hopes with a further lament: "Senator Obama's thorough repudiation of free trade is our only hope of returning to blue collar bliss. The 'paradise lost' of strangled productivity must be regained." Warning against claims that disruptive economic adjustments in the short-run would lead to greater long-term prosperity[7], Hansen reminded listeners of the importance of living "for the moment. Looking too far into the future is the great danger of our time. Foresight never helped anyone to eat a doughnut in the here and now."

Mr. Hansen added his support for irresponsibility in Iraq. "I fear that our glorious defeat in Vietnam is being forgotten. The legacy of defeat must not be abandoned; only an abdication of responsibility in Iraq can prove that America's foreign policy a consistent one of aborted intervention." He also admitted his amusement at the thought of Iraqis "duking it out" in a post-bailout free-for-all.

Rising to his greatest height of oratory elegance, the ex-student urged the faithful onward. "The 'better angels of our nature'[8] resonate with Senator Obama's cry of protectionism, paternalism, and defeatism. It is a glorious message of hope in the face of progress, security in place of opportunity, and surrender when confronted with the threat victory. Turn not back from the noble cause, but fight on, for great shall be our victory!"

Photos come from references [1], [2], [3], and [4].

References
[1] Romney Endorses McCain - Capital News 9
[2] Oprah in Des Moines - The New York Times Politics Blog
[3] The Shamelessness of Bill and Hillary Clinton - Telegraph.co.uk
[4] Oscar the Grouch - Muppet Wiki
[5] Barack Obama's Feb. 12 Speech - New York Times
[6] Candidates' Earmarks Worth Millions - washingtonpost.com
[7] Commanding Heights: Lawrence Summers on PBS, The Importance of NAFTA - PBS
[8] Abraham Lincoln's First Inaugural Address - WikiSource

Quotations

These excerpts are by Barack Obama and come from a blog post carried by his website: Obama's Economic Policy Address at the Janesville GM Assembly Plant.

[Q1] It’s a Washington where decades of trade deals like NAFTA and China have been signed with plenty of protections for corporations and their profits, but none for our environment or our workers who’ve seen factories shut their doors and millions of jobs disappear; workers whose right to organize and unionize has been under assault for the last eight years.

[Q2] A few weeks ago I offered an economic stimulus package based on a simple principle – we should get immediate relief into the hands of people who need it the most and will spend it the quickest. I proposed sending each working family a $500 tax cut and each senior a $250 supplement to their Social Security check. And if the economy gets worse, we should double those amounts.
Neither George Bush nor Hillary Clinton had that kind of immediate, broad-based relief in their original stimulus proposals, but I’m glad that the stimulus package that was recently passed by Congress does. We still need to go further, though, and make unemployment insurance available for a longer period of time and for more Americans who find themselves out of work. We should also provide assistance to state and local governments so that they don’t slash critical services like health care or education.

[Q3] [We would] help those who are facing closure refinance their mortgages so they can stay in their homes. And I’d provide struggling homeowners relief by offering a tax credit to low- and middle-income Americans that would cover ten percent of their mortgage interest payment every year.

Being Postsuppositional

My thinking has started along many of these lines before, but I never followed them through to a proper conclusion as this logical/philosophical analysis does. I didn't read every word (it's pretty hefty) but what I did read was quite striking.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Josh Hansen Profile Picture Mega-Competition 2008! (Updated 1)

I've arrived at the pinnacle of vanity, and now, as a rite of passage, I must hold a profile picture competition. I've had some pretty sweet profile pictures in the past, if I do say so myself (and I think I just did.) I know you've all been hording pictures of Josh Hansen for ages; now it's time to dust off the photo albums, get those pages from your scrapbook, and scour your computer for the best of the best.

With that preamble, I hereby proclaim the much-anticipated
Josh Hansen Profile Picture Mega-Competition 2008!
Which, of course, was not anticipated by anybody, ever!

The idea: Gather up your photos of me, use your imagination, photoshop, oil paints, whatever -- and crank out the awesomest picture for Josh Hansen to use on his Facebook profile.

The rules:
  1. Your submission must somehow use a picture of me (Josh Hansen) or some recognizable reproduction thereof (drawings, sculptures, sock puppets, etc.) and must be usable as a profile picture on Facebook.
  2. It mustn't be offensive, according to me.
  3. I have to like it. (In case that wasn't already obvious.)
Submissions: Email images to me. If you don't know my email address or how to get it, then you probably shouldn't be entering ;-)

Deadline: February 29th at 11:59:59 pm.

THE PRIZE: A box of brownie mix with a bow on it. I'm too lazy to cook the brownies for you, sorry. But this way you can have brownies whenever you want!

Prior Profile Pics
Here are all of my past profile pictures, which you are welcome to use as source material:

Valentine - 16 December 2006. Frame and caption by Mark Sanderson.



Profile Profile - 9 February 2007. Photo by Britten Sessions.



On The Seine - 9 June 2007. Photo by Grace/Charlotte/Tommy/Molly.



On The Seine - Wide Angle - 9 June 2007. Photo by Grace/Charlotte/Tommy/Molly.



Gawking At Paris - 30 August 2007. Photo by Grace/Charlotte/Tommy/Molly.



Disturbing - 5 November 2007. (This is the one that my friends in Russian 201 put up for me. If you try photoshopping my face onto this creepy guy's body, you will lose! Though it might still be worth doing for humor's sake.)



Attack - Black Background - 5 November 2007. Photo by Sam Lasley.



Attack - White Background - 5 November 2007. Photo by Sam Lasley.



Guitongue - 7 January 2008. (My current picture). Photo by my niece? My nephew?

For those of you who have made it this far, it's worth observing the disproportionate number of photos in which I am wearing some kind of vest. Interesting....

Update 1: Added PRIZE information!

Flags

And a harsh foreign policy view by means of color-coded flags.

It Cuts Deep

Mwa ha ha, you fools! You thought it mattered who gets elected this fall! Oh that's funny!

Okay, so it does matter. A lot. But some things are likely to stay the same. From foreignpolicy.com's "Passport" blog.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Driven by Cruelty

Strange how a nation whose people pride themselves so much in fair treatment of each individual can be so driven by cruelty against those they refuse to understand. Here's an honest assessment by the Wall Street Journal: Mormons Dismayed by Harsh Spotlight.